Dudes, via Durban Bud, I found the Gender Analyzer, which uses some sort of complicated mathematical formula to determine if the blog is written by a man or a woman.
This is what they had to say about If I Were a Straight Guy ...
"We think http://str8man.blogspot.com is written by a woman (66%)."
What the FUCK, Gender Analyzer? Let me tell you, this blog is written by a man (100%).
Apparently, I need to blog more about totally hot chicks and pussy.
Srsly.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Guide to Wrapping Presents
Step 1: Buy Gift.
Step 2: Ask Cute Little Salesgirl to wrap it for you.
Step 3: If Cute Little Salesgirl says "We don't have a gift-wrapping service," smile, look confused, say something like, "this is for my mother ..." and start to walk away.
Step 4: Make the Cute Little Salesgirl breakfast the next morning.
If this is completely impossible, follow these simple steps:
Step A: Cut wrapping paper in a square.
Step B: Place gift in center of the square.
Step C: Bring corners up.
Step D: Carefully, smoosh paper around present.
Step E: Randomly tape bits that stick out.
Step F: Tie ribbon around the top.
Like this:
If you want to be Extra Thoughtful,
Step G: Dig the Christmas Card the recipient sent you out of the trash.
Step H: Cut out the cute picture on the front.
Step I: Use it as the gift tag.
Like these:
If the recipient gets all bitchy about you cutting up her Xmas card, all you have to do is make puppy dog eyes and say "all I wanted to do is recycle to help the environment."
Step J: Make the recipient breakfast the next morning.
Srsly.
Step 2: Ask Cute Little Salesgirl to wrap it for you.
Step 3: If Cute Little Salesgirl says "We don't have a gift-wrapping service," smile, look confused, say something like, "this is for my mother ..." and start to walk away.
Step 4: Make the Cute Little Salesgirl breakfast the next morning.
If this is completely impossible, follow these simple steps:
Step A: Cut wrapping paper in a square.
Step B: Place gift in center of the square.
Step C: Bring corners up.
Step D: Carefully, smoosh paper around present.
Step E: Randomly tape bits that stick out.
Step F: Tie ribbon around the top.
Like this:
If you want to be Extra Thoughtful,
Step G: Dig the Christmas Card the recipient sent you out of the trash.
Step H: Cut out the cute picture on the front.
Step I: Use it as the gift tag.
Like these:
If the recipient gets all bitchy about you cutting up her Xmas card, all you have to do is make puppy dog eyes and say "all I wanted to do is recycle to help the environment."
Step J: Make the recipient breakfast the next morning.
Srsly.
Monday, September 8, 2008
Straight Guys Dig Cheerleaders
Somethings are worth getting up at the ass crack of dawn for ...
Like supporting my neighbors in a 5K Fundraiser for Katrina Victims.
AND
Getting my picture taken with a couple of Redskins Cheerleaders:
Boo-YAH! Who's the man?
Boo-YAH! Who's the man?Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Thursday, August 7, 2008
The Straight Guy is Unemployed
Dudes, I'm out of a job. That is so not cool. Srsly.
Tequila.
Porn.*
I'll bet you are wondering how Straight Guys spend their unemployment time, right?
Here's a little pictorial of my typical day.
Wash. Rinse. Repeat.
*OMG. I can't believe I just spent an hour looking at straight porn. My eyes! My eyes! I feelz a leetle queasy. Srsly.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Bevy of Beautiful Babes, Beer, Baseball
Dudes. The baseball game was totally awesome. These killer chicks hooked us up with a box suite and provided food and beer. Chili dogs and Bud. Perfection.Not only was the suite sweet, it was filled to capacity with bodacious babes. Like these two totally hot chicks:
Does life get any better?
I think not.
I think not.
[Although, if baseball had cheerleaders ...]
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
When It Rains, It Pours
Dudes, sorry for the lack of posts. I've been "busy" - if you know what I mean.
*wink* *wink* *nudge* *nudge*
Tonight I'm going to a baseball game/blogger gathering. And, dudes, the last time I went to a blogger gathering, I was surrounded by SuperHot Chicks. *rowr*
I'll be watching the Washington Nationals take on the Philadelphia ... um ... Eagles? It's going to be the BEST time ever: Baseball, Beer, and Babes! I am stoked.
Just don't track my eye movement ...
*wink* *wink* *nudge* *nudge*
Tonight I'm going to a baseball game/blogger gathering. And, dudes, the last time I went to a blogger gathering, I was surrounded by SuperHot Chicks. *rowr*
I'll be watching the Washington Nationals take on the Philadelphia ... um ... Eagles? It's going to be the BEST time ever: Baseball, Beer, and Babes! I am stoked.
Just don't track my eye movement ...
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